Welcome to January! Hope you didn’t fill up on too many breadsticks, because the pigksin playoff buffet is just about to begin.
Based on the 56 years of evidence in the Super Bowl era, we already know someone – or several someones – will emerge as a legend by the time things wrap up in Glendale, AZ, next month.
Now, we could spend the time we have here together trying to figure out who exactly that’ll be…but that sounds hard. What am I, a wizard?
No, instead, before Mahomes, Allen, Burrow, Hurts and Purdy(?!) begin the chase for Super Bowl LVII, let’s take a look back at this definitive, inarguable ranking of the 57 best QB performances since Starr & Dawson met up in the Coliseum back in January 1967:
23-25, 321 yds, 5 TD/0 INT
By the start of the ‘19 playoffs, you knew Mahomes was a special talent. By the end of this rally against the Texans, you felt like he just might go down as the best of all-time.
17-31, 263 yds, 2 TD/1 INT; 16-181 rush yds, 2 TD
If you’re too young to have watched this performance, trust me: The NFL had never seen anything like a 6’5” guy with a rocket arm and wheels that allowed to breeze past pro football defenders like they were standing still. (A decade later, we still haven’t seen anything like it.)
27-37 329 yds, 4 TDs/no INT, 68 rush yds
On the heels of his 5-TD performance v NE the week before and a combined 77% completion rate, Allen’s two-game ’21 playoff run stands as best in the history of people.
37-50, 328 yds, 4 TD/2 INT
Underdog stories are great, but when everyone on the field, in the stands and watching on TV knows the only shot a team’s got at rallying from down ten in the fourth quarter against the era’s best D is if that guy does it…and he does it, that’s nails.
24-36 yds, 325 yds, 6 TD/0 INT, 49 rush yds
Seems somehow fitting Young finally got the monkey off his back exactly one decade after Montana’s signature Super Bowl performance.
17-30, 318 yds, 4 TD/1 INT
Bradshaw had already won two Super Bowls and that season’s MVP by the time another showdown with the Doomsday Defense rolled around, but remarkably, this was the 1970 draft pick’s first-ever 300-yard game. Make all the “can’t spell ‘cat’” jokes you wish, but the blonde redneck was always at his best late in the biggest games. (Also see: His 64-yd 4th-qtr TD to Swann in SBX & 73-yd 4th-qtr TD to Stallworth in SBXIV.)
19-29, 340 yds, 4 TD/0 INT
Career 40% completion rate (FORTY PERCENT!) over seven postseason games…all washed away by that one game – nay, that one 2nd quarter – against the Broncos on the last day of January 1988.
22-29, 297 yds, 5 TD/0 INT
Joe Cool’s clutch gene wasn’t needed in this colossal blowout to prove he and his Niners were operating on a different plane than the poor Broncos…and the rest of pro football, too.
28-43, 373 yds, 3 TD/1 INT, TD rec
Not even Eli caught a touchdown in a Super Bowl against the Pats.
62-96, 836 yds, 7 TD/2 INT
Fouts 29-43, 403 yds, 4 TD/1 INT; Strock 33-53, 433 yds, 3 TD/1 INT
Fouts, the triggerman of Air Coryell’s electric offense, thrived and ultimately survived one of pro football’s all-time most entertaining games despite a furious rally led by the Dolphins’ relief pitcher, Strock, who didn’t get into the game ‘til his team was down 24-0 in the 2nd quarter.
28-48, 505 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
A compelling argument can made that this was GOAT’s greatest postseason performance, albeit in a loss. Outside of the QB position, this particular Patriots edition was thoroughly mediocre…but still almost grabbed another Lombardi thanks to their hero in #12.
33-44, 378 yds, 3 TDs/0 INT, 69 rush yds & TD
One of the best individual performances ever was just enough to come out on the winning end of the greatest postseason shootout of the millennium.
21-34, 289 yds, 4 TD/1 INT
Even now, in an era where “impossible” rallies seem to occur every week or three, the Bills backup bringing to a win after trailing a very good Oilers team by 33 is loco.
43-62, 466 yds, 2 TD/0 INT
Don’t know if you heard, but the Pats were down 28-3 at one point in this game. (Spoiler alert: They won in OT.)
14-24, 191 yds, 2 TD/0 INT, 1 rush TD
The Ice Bowl did not provide optimal throwing conditions – witness Don Meredith completing 31% of his throws for 59 yards just a week after the Cowboys QB torched the Browns – but Starr rose up when it mattered most, driving the Pack down the field and scoring the game winner on that iconic 4th & goal sneak with just a few seconds left.
24-39, 304 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
There have been a few superhero-level candidates since Rodgers who might be able to claim being as physically gifted a QB as we’ve seen, but go back & watch this game: You can tell the Steelers DBs were a quarter-beat behind Rodgers’ throws all night because – like standing in the box for the first time against Randy Johnson – they’d just plain never seen that level of fastball.
29-33, 379 yds, 5 TD/0 INT
&
Kurt Warner v MIN Wildcard Rd 1999
27-33, 391 yds, 5 TD/1 INT
I know Warner eventually got that gold jacket, but these two almost-identical, spectacular performances ten years apart for two very different football teams suggests we don’t sufficiently praise #13’s place in history.
18-34, 331 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
He didn’t throw a pick over the miraculous four-game stretch, but the lasting image was the prayer he heaved over poor Rahim Moore’s head to force OT against Peyton’s mighty Broncos.
21-25, 308 yds, 5 TD/0 INT, 66 rush yds
Before this game, there was a decent percentage of analysts and fans who thought Belichick would silence Allen in a big spot. (Those people were wrong.)
46-64, 595 yds, 6 TD/0 INT
Over a January fortnight, Aikman was at his best in vanquishing his chief rival, Steve Young, in a seminal ‘90s matchup between the NFC’s twin towers…then humiliated the Bills in the big game.
22-38, 244 yds, 1 TD/1 INT, 56 rush yds
The Drive!
22-26, 377 yds, 5 TD/0 INT
20/20 hindsight, but I wonder if Peyton now feels bad for posting a perfect passer rating against his future team.
22-25, 268 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
The ‘86 Giants were a 14-2 top-to-bottom juggernaut…with Simms being the one possible liability. In six prior postseason games, he’d completed more than half his passes only twice, which made completing 88% in the biggest game of his life…surprising!
21-32, 318 yds, 4 TD/1 INT
Coming off what remains the greatest single season for a QB, the Pitt kid burned Pittsburgh in the Sunshine State.
24-35, 331, 3 TD, 0 INT
One of the more highly-anticipated QB duels in memory ended up with Montana delivering a decisive KO on a day Marino would like to forget.
32-39, 288 yds, 2 TD/0 INT
The onside kick & Tracy Porter are the enduring images, but knocking off Peyton in his one Super Bowl is the defining win of Brees’ career. Otherwise, he’s a shorter, less hirsute Dan Marino.
21-30, 256 yds, 1 TD/1 INT
The overall numbers aren’t jaw-dropping, but that last possession – punctuated by his perfect pass to toe-tapping Santonio Holmes – stands as history’s single-best drive with a Lombardi on the line.
16-26, 220 yds, 4 TD/1 INT, 54 rush yds
In an era that included Purple People Eaters, Doomsdayers & a Steel Curtain, the Rams were pro football’s best defense in ‘75, allowing under ten pts/gm, making Staubach & Co’s overwhelming performance as a 6.5-point underdog a real stunner.
21-33, 330 yds, 3 TD/1 INT
Easy to make the case either of his Super Bowl wins against the GOAT deserve placement ahead of this game (itself a sequel to the Giants’ ‘07 title-game upset in Lambeau), but Eli was near-flawless in vanquishing another heavily-favored foe (GB -8).
20-30, 293 yds, 4 TD/1 INT
A beautiful, muddy back-and-forth between Csonka on the ground and Snake through the air, starting with a touchdown on the kickoff and ending with the Sea of Hands.
19-28, 335 yds, 2 TD/1 INT, 47 rush yds & 2 TD
The destruction of a very good Cardinals team was the highpoint of Superman’s transcendent MVP season. Weird, but feels like his distinct version of high-end QBin’ is already receding from the minds of too many fans.
25-39, 322 yds, 3 TD/1 INT
In his first postseason as Cowboys starter, White summoned some Staubach magic with two fourth-quarter TD passes to Drew Pearson to steal one in Fulton County Stadium from the Blitz Gritz.
23-35, 294 yds, 3 TD/0 INT, 53 rush yds & TD
Don’t ask me why Andy Reid had the ’19 Chiefs fall way behind two playoff visitors before telling Mahomes to stop foolin’ around, but – like the human carousel 15 & his pals just unveiled in Vegas – maybe the challenge made it more fun.
26-33, 352 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
The further away we get from late-’17 Foles, the harder it is to believe it happened (especially when you watch ‘22 Foles).
26-34, 363 yds, 6 TD/1 INT
This becomes even more impressive when you consider Tebow didn’t even play D for Denver.
26-35, 324 yds, 2 TD/0 INT, 54 rush yds & TD
This list is merely my opinion, but it’s still pretty wild Allen’s played just six career postseason games and three of ‘em are ranked here.
36-58, 427 yds, 5 TD/0 INT
Can’t blame Sexy Rexy for getting a little over his skis about “The Sanchise” after the sophomore from USC pulled the biggest upset of the Jets’ two-year postseason boon with a win in Foxboro over the 9.5-pt favorites…then almost rallying Gang Green back from a 3-TD deficit in Heinz Field.
27-38, 392 yds, 4 TD/0 INT & rush TD
He was also very good in the ensuing Super Bowl. Well, half of it.
25-40, 362 yds, 4 TD/0 INT
Didn’t make up for those losses in Lambeau to Eli’s Giants, but a dominant showing one week before Rodgers made that insane, rolling-to-his-left throw up the sideline to Jared Cook to steal one from rookie Dak Prescott in Big D.
17-27, 288 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
If you’ve ever been by Lake Michigan in winter, you know -10 wind chill in Soldier Field is no joke, but it was no matter for the 20th-century QB GOAT, who settled the game by halftime with a couple TDs to his pal Jerry Rice. (Two weeks later, he hit his other chum John Taylor for the Super Bowl winner against Cincy.)
19-29, 284 yds, 4 TD/0 INT, 47 rush yds
Disgusting to some, beautiful to others. If I remember correctly, by the time this one ended you could see the moon.
56-91, 796 yds, 6 TD/3 INT
Holcomb 26-43, 429 yds, 3 TD/1 INT; Maddox 367 yds, 3 TD/2 INT
The mucky, miry weather made it impossible for the Football Gods to get out a note to the two QBs telling them throwing would be a bad idea…so both guys went out in the slop and threw it all over the yard – successfully, even!
33-43, 466 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
Okay, it was only the Lions…but still.
24-36, 385 yds, 2 TD/1 INT, 60 rush yds & TD
Beat fellow rookie phenom RGIII in DC the week prior, then came within a whisker of pulling off a 20-point rally. (p.s. Anyone know whatever happened to this guy?)
Smith 30-46, 378 yds, 4 TD/0 INT, 57 rush yds; Luck 29-45, 443 yds, 4 TD/3 INT, rush TD
Zany wildcard game: Chiefs were up 38-10, but three TD passes & fumble recovery in the endzone later, Colts won 45-44.
27-42, 333 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
Fouts terrorized the remaining elders of the Steel Curtain with a rally in the fourth quarter that started with the Chargers down 11 and ended with Kellen Winslow in the endzone (2x).
12-20, 174 yds, 2 TD/0 INT
The Legend of Captain Comeback took off when Tom Landry turned to Staubach in the second half with Dallas down 15 to the Niners, who pulled off the rally with two TDs in the last two minutes.
28-38, 366 yds, 2 TD/0 INT
Beating Brady on the road despite the Rams losing four fumbles? Well, that’s worthy of celebration…as was that perfect deep ball to Cooper Kupp to get the Rams in position for the game-winning kick in the last minute.
19-29, 339 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
The first playoff game in the Bills’ four-year conference ownership of the AFC bracket saw Kelly get the better of Marino in another battle of Pittsburgh kids.
31-36, 366 yds, 3 TD/0 INT & rush TD
How would we regard Rodgers if not for the heater he went on way back in the ’10 postseason?
18-23, 302 yds, 2 TD/0 INT
The Raiders would redeem the city of LA a few weeks later by shutting down the almost-unstoppable Washington offensive machine in the Super Bowl, but the horned Angelenos were no match for Theismann at his peak.
20-36, 385 yds, 3 TD/0 INT, 39 rush yds
After the Drive & the Fumble, must’ve been nice to get a easy-breezy win over the Browns thanks to Elway playing at the height of his powers.
15-24, 234 yds, 4 TD/0 INT
The noted volleyball booster turned what was supposed to be a tight game against Romo’s Cowboys into a blowout with his career-best postseason performance.
16-33, 323 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
I know, I know, he didn’t even complete half his passes, but give him a break: He was probably shaken to the core by the unspeakable events during Janet Jackson’s halftime show.
13-21, 261 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
The win over the Eagles was an exclamation mark on the wildcard Raiders’ unlikely run led by previous two-time “bust” Plunkett.
19-39, 347 yds, 5 TD/0 INT
The Raiders would go on to lose a shootout in Queens the following week (despite Lamonica mostly outplaying Broadway Joe), but on this day the legendary Chiefs D was no match for the Mad Bomber.
29-38, 341 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
Wait, Erik Kramer did what? And to whom?! That dynasty’s gonna have to wait til next year, Jimmy Johnson.
—
Four more…
Michael Vick v STL Divisional Rd 2004
12-16, 82 yds, 2 TD/0 INT, 8 carries for 119 yds & 1 rec
Fun stat line!
Terry Bradshaw v BAL Divisional Rd 1976
14-18, 264 yds, 3 TD/0 INT
The Steel Curtain was never stingier than in ‘76, and with Bradshaw looking better than ever against an 11-3 Colts team, everything appeared to be in place for a three-peat…’til Franco Harris joined Rocky Bleier on the injury list.
Mark Brunell at DEN Divisional Rd 1996
18-29, 245 yds, 2 TD/0 INT
Before Garrard, Bortles & Lawrence made the scene, Lefty Brunell was Duval County’s leading man. In his (and the franchise’s) second season, he rallied the Jags from an early deficit a mile high to pull one of the bigger NFL upsets of the last half century.
Lynn Dickey v AZ Wildcard Rd 1982
17-23, 260 yds, 4 TD/0 INT
If you get a chance, find the entire’‘82 playoffs online somewhere. They’re a hoot. Specifically, this is a good one for Packers fans who’ve forgotten the (relative) lean years after Starr but before Favre/Rodgers.
Alright…I gotta stop. Let’s get to the near-future.
Best NFL Bets Ever of the Week
Niners -9.5
SEA/SF u43
–
Chargers -1
LAC/JAX u47.5
–
Dolphins +10.5
MIA/BUF 47.5
–
Giants +3
NYG/MIN 48.5
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Bengals -6.5
BAL/CIN 43.5
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Cowboys -2.5
DAL/TB 45.5
Enjoy the games, everybody…and remember: I hope your team wins.
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